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| Bottle Catch | Gallery | Transcript |
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Apple and Onion: Two, three, four
(Apple and Onion are outside the Dollar Store, tossing a water bottle back and forth.)
Apple and Onion: Bottle Catch is our favorite game
Throw it to a friend, then back again
Keep the bottle going nice and smooth
A simple throw or a fantastic maneuver
Bottle Catch is our favorite game
Keep a fluid motion, don't break the chain
Flow, feel the flow
The line of motion's got to be smooth, you know
Bottle Catch is our favorite game
Bottle Catch, that's the name of our game
(Onion throws it to Apple and misses.)
Apple: Sorry!
Onion: Wait, did we just rhyme game with game?
Apple: True. We'll come up with something better.
Onion: You know what is already better?
Apple and Onion: Our great idea to sell water bottles to all the thirsty runners in the city marathon today!
Apple: Yeah, just imagine!
(Out of his stem comes a thought bubble of Apple and Onion selling water bottles to some sandwich marathon runners.)
Onion: Cha-ching. Cha-ching. Cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching...
(Patty appears in the thought bubble.)
Apple: Patty's gonna be so pleased at us.
Patty: Good boys, good boys. Good boys, good...
Apple: ....good boys, good boys.
Onion: Eee-eeee-eeee-eee!
Apple: And now, once again, we shall attempt the Blind Super Windmill Tornado Move!
Onion: Apple, no! It's impossible!
Apple: You have to just (echoing) trust.
Onion: I trust that it's impossible, but okay.
(He tosses the bottle to Apple.)
Apple: Eyes closed.
(Both of them close their eyes.)
Onion: Ready.
(Apple winds up his arm and Onion holds out his hand to catch the bottle. Apple's arm goes faster and faster as he whirls in a circle. Finally, he lets go of the bottle and faceplants on the sidewalk. The bottle whizzes past Onion's outstretched arm, hits a parking meter, a traffic light, Falafel's apartment window which shatters, and two cars, after which it curves off Croissant and ends up hitting Onion in the leg. Now both of them are stooped over in pain.)
Apple: Did it work?
Onion: Nooooo.
(Apple gets up. His face is flat.)
Apple: Maybe let's never do that again.
(The bottle rolls toward Energy Bar, who picks it up. Apple re-inflates his face by blowing on his thumb.)
Apple: Hello, Energy Bar.
Energy Bar: Yeah, that's great. So what's the deal with this game you're playing?
Apple: Oh! That's Bottle Catch
Onion: It's our favorite game
Apple: We made it up ourselves.
Energy Bar: Interesting, interesting. Catch!
(She throws the bottle, but Patty catches it in midair.)
Patty: Energy Bar! Get away from my employees and go on back to your two-dollar rip-off shop!
Energy Bar: Better than your one-dollar cheapskate store.
(She sticks out her tongue at Patty. Patty gasps and promptly pulls down on her cheeks and babbles. Energy Bar retorts by sticking out her tongue again and wiggling her fingers, which moves Patty to plug her nose and make a raspberry noise.)
Energy Bar: You are sooo immature.
Patty: What? No! You were doing the same thing as well-
(Energy Bar retreats to her Two Dollar Store and closes the door. Patty angrily groans and sucks on her teeth.)
Patty: Honestly, the nerve of that woman. All right, boys, I'm off to buy my money bags. 'Cause the amount of money you're about to make me - ha ha - (indirectly toward Energy Bar) is going to be staggering!
(Energy Bar scowls at her from inside the Two Dollar Store and closes the window. Patty turns back toward Apple and Onion and pinches their cheeks.)
Patty: So proud of my little rascals!
Onion: Patty, I hate it.
Patty: See ya, bye-bye!
Apple and Onion: Bye, Patty! Now to make Patty rich.
(Nobody shows up to buy a water bottle. A tumbleweed blows past the Dollar Store.)
Onion: Where the heck is everyone?
Apple: I dunno, 'cause it says it was supposed to start at 9:00.
(He points to the words "9 a.m." on a folded-up poster advertising the marathon.)
Onion: Apple, what's wrong with that poster? It's folded up, isn't it?
(Onion unfolds the poster, revealing more information about the marathon.)
Onion: It's a KNITTING marathon. And it's happening in the next town over! And they're handing out free water!
Both: *sob sob* What are we going to do?
Apple: We've got too many bottles of water.
Onion: We've got to get rid of all these...
Apple: Okay! One, two...
(He starts throwing the bottles.)
Onion: Wait, Apple! I meant "get rid of" as in sell them!
Apple: Oh, yeah. How we gonna do that?
Onion: We'll ask people nicely.
Egg Sandwich: Hey, buddy! Hey, yeah, how's it going?
Onion: Excuse me, sir. Do you want a bottle of water?
Egg Sandwich: No thanks.
(Apple and Onion appear in various locations asking people to buy bottles, but they get the same answer every time...)
Apple: Excuse me, madam, do you want a...
Rootbeer Float: No.
Onion: Do you want a...
Soda Can: No.
Apple: Do you want...
Sandwich 2: No.
Onion: Do you...
Hoagie: No.
Apple: Do you...
Croissant: No.
Onion: It's hard selling bottles out here in the street
With my friend Apple
Apple: And Oni-Onion
Onion: Politeness, smiles, love, and affection
Getting nothing back but constant rejection
Apple: Rejection
Onion: Doing it for Patty
Even selling bottles to a little kitty catty
(Sooty the cat appears in Apple and Onion's song.)
Apple and Onion: Aww, cute
Onion: Cute and small
Look at its whiskers
Apple: Look upon its paws!
Onion: Whaaaat?
Apple: It's like it's wearing socks
But it's definitely not, no no
Onion: Cat, cat, cat is what I love
Apple: True
Catty catty cat cat, cat is what I love
Apple and Onion: Toooo
Pump de rhythm, rhythm of de cat
Rhythm of de cat, and we're down like that
Falafel: Hey, boys! What are you doing with all these bottles?
(The song stops. Apple and Onion look behind them and see that they have just as many bottles as before. They both sigh. Later, in the Dollar Store, Apple and Onion are sitting at the checkout desk, looking glum.)
Apple: What's Patty gonna think?
(He makes another thought bubble of Patty shaking her finger at the boys.)
Patty: Disappointed. Very disappointed.
Apple: ...very disappointed.
Onion: She won't like it.
(Energy Bar enters the Dollar Store.)
Energy Bar: Hi, dollar store drones. So, these are Bottle Catch bottles, right?
Apple and Onion: Yeeeeeah?
Energy Bar: I just love your little idea.
Apple and Onion: Thanks!
Energy Bar: So, you just use regular water bottles?
Apple and Onion: Yeeeeeah.
Energy Bar: Ha! So simple! It's genius!
Apple and Onion: Thanks!
Energy Bar: Well, goodbye.
Onion: She's both not nice and nice at the same time.
Apple: Yeeeeeah. And she loves Bottle Catch!
Onion: Of course she does! Bottle Catch is the smash hit of the summer.
(Apple looks surprised as he thinks about what Onion said.)
Onion: (deep voice) ...the smash hit of the summer.
Apple: Onioooon! Are you having the same idea that I'm having?
Onion: To use Bottle Catch to sell bottles?
Apple: Correct.
Apple and Onion: Two, three, four
(Outside the store, Apple and Onion stand on a table playing Bottle Catch. A crowd starts to gather.)
Apple and Onion: Bottle Catch is our favorite game
Throw it to a friend then back again
Bottle catch is our favorite game
Sandwich 2: But we've been through this before... hey, what's that?
Apple and Onion: Bottle Catch is our favorite game
Why not buy a bottle and play it with a friend?
Popsicle: Who, me?
Apple and Onion: Bottle Catch, Bottle Catch, Bottle Catch, Bottle Catch, Bottle Catch, Bottle Catch
Apple: It's a brand new game!
(Egg Sandwich demonstrates his yo-yo to Rootbeer Float, albeit unsuccessfully.)
Egg Sandwich: Aw, come on.
(He puts the yo-yo in his hand. Rootbeer Float looks away and laughs. When Egg Sandwich turns to see what grabbed her attention, he gets so excited he crushes the yo-yo with his hand.)
Apple and Onion: Bottle Catch is our favorite game
Why not buy a bottle and play it with a friend?
Bottle Catch is our favorite song
Just one dollar, play it all day long
Apple: End of song.
(The game ends and the crowd claps.)
Sandwich 2: Honey, let's get one!
Onion: Do you want a bottle?
Churro: No. W-w-wait, I mean yeah, of co-
(Before he can finish, Hoagie, holding four dollar bills in his hand, knocks Churro down.)
Hoagie: Aaaaarggh!
(Everyone in the crowd holds up their money.)
Apple and Onion: They love i! Yeeeah!
Onion: Get in there, son! Got your number, mate!
Apple: Have a bit of this! Get stuck in there!
(Just then, Whey Man pushes a big stage next to Apple and Onion‘s Bottle Catch stand. Energy Bar is on the stage. Apple and Onion turn around in surprise.)
Apple and Onion: Errrr?
Energy Bar: Tired of off-brand Bottle Catch bottles?
Crowd: Errrrrr?
Energy Bar: Get the Mondo Primo Sport X-Tremo here! The original Bottle Catch!
(She and Whey Man hold brightly-colored bottles labeled "Mondo Primo Sport X-Tremo".)
Apple and Onion: What?!
Crowd: Whaaat?!